Respect on the Dance Floor

Do you remember your prom? The jittery feeling in your stomach awaiting Mr. Hottie (Wo)Man to ask you to go. The relentless shopping for the perfect dress (with push-up bra inserts, of course). The thrill of figuring out how to hide vodka in your tiny handbag. Sigh... To be young again.

I myself attended both my Junior and Senior year proms at Covington Latin School, each with two very different dates. Senior year I was escorted by my boyfriend at the time and soaked up every ounce of the "We're so in love and will never be apart!!=)!!!!" bliss on the dancefloor. Junior year was somewhat of a different story... I was asked to the milestone dance by my "husband" in the Junior Class Play - a painfully too-intelligent (read: nerdy) classmate who was younger than I was (and yes, I was not even 15 at the time!).It was an awkward evening, to say the least...

The point of all this is not in fact to highlight the ineptness of my prom days, but rather to point out the simple, but easily overlooked, fact that when it came to prom, I had the right to choose my date. Despite my lack-luster junior year escort (who is now, I'm quite sure, a millionaire who created the Twitter or the iPhone or something equally insane), I had the opportunity to say "yes" or "no". And that is a right that I believe all starry-eyed, acne-faced teenagers should have as well.

When my mom called me at college to tell me that my brother Dylan, at the ripe old age of 12, had revealed to her that he was gay, she shed many tears for her son. She was not disappointed in the outcome of his sexuality, but she cried out of fear for the way in which her youngest child might be treated by others who were less educated and less tolerant of human difference. I myself simply exclaimed, "Finally!" But I also worried about what the future might hold for Dylan.

Five years later, Dylan has grown into a ridiculously intelligent and socially-conscious young man, one that anyone would be more than proud to call "brother". And he is now facing what is, unfortunately, only one of the first instances of blatant discrimination for his sexuality. He is being told he cannot take the person of his choice to prom.

To some this may seem like a small issue. Some might encourage me to focus on bigger issues, like whether Dylan will be able to marry and create a family with the person of his choice. Or whether he will be denied employment opportunities due to his lifestyle. But I believe that the issue of the school dance is one of vital importance, both for its practical and symbolic implications. While I am not going to go into great detail about my views on the importance of equality for the LGBQT community (for lack of time and space, not interest in telling you), but I will briefly explain why I think this is such an important issue.

Prom is, in a way, a reflection of some of the most important values in our culture - friendship, romance, independence, transitions, and overly expensive shoes. It symbolizes a moving from the constraints of childhood into the ever-so-frightening world of adulthood and it allows us the opportunity to share that joy, and possibly anxiety, along with a person we care about - a person we choose, as a reflection of our growing independence.

And then a school comes in and puts a big ole stop to all that... "No, everyone else can share in the company of the person they care about, but not you. You're different. And we don't like that very much. Or we at least don't want the Archdiocese to think that we like that."

Now, I understand that high schools, both public and parochial, are often faced with difficult issues when it comes to such matters. However, I fail to understand how a school that promotes "loving they neighbor" as a key value and acceptance of diversity as part of the mission can then deny one of their own the opportunity to express his individuality and fullness-of-self in a school-supported context. Call me a crazy liberal, but sounds like hypocrisy to me.

My brother Zachary made a nice point when he wrote, "You don't have to accept gay rights, but you have to respect them." While I do not realistically expect the Catholic Church to accept homosexuality (though optimistically do), respecting the rights of all people is fundamental to the doctrine. And to deny a young man (or woman) the right to enjoy the company of a chosen companion hardly feels like respect. Not only does it serve to diminish the feelings and destroy the self-esteem of the student, but it teaches the rest of the community that respect for human differences is conditional.

I could elaborate much further on this issue, but I am choosing not to do so, in favor of encouraging you to consider your own thoughts and feelings on the matter. If you agree, please take a look at the petition Dylan and I created to make a small (but hopefully powerfully) dent in the armor of La Salle administrators. Check it out here: http://www.gopetition.com/online/34216.html.And take a second to also read through some of the comments posted by others, some of which have brought me to tears.

I did not cry when Dylan told us he was gay. I think in my heart I knew that he would be strong enough to withstand the questioning of his choices and the assault on his rights, despite the pain it causes in my heart to know he must. I think that I also knew that he would never have to do it alone. I hope that you will help in that effort.